lauramyer.com blog

I had a lover who I shared good times with.

He had the right spirit I was looking for (the sexual essence, according to my sexual preference).
He had a good heart as well as a bit of wildness within his spirit.

BUT our minds were not a match at all. We did not like eachother’s minds. Therefore even though there was good respect between us, we would fight. We did not cross the line and put each other down, but it was more sarcasm at how eachother came across in our thinking which would lead to disdain for eachother.

Because the mind’s were not a match, we could not call eachother ‘friends’ but only lovers.

To find a friend and lover would be good. That’s the tricky part of the search.

I believe you need to be attracted to the essence within a person’s spirit. Somehow this is linked to their voice, eyes and mannerisms. We all know a gay man can display all of this upfront. Even over the phone we can tell they are gay.

Then we need to like their very heart. Are they good hearted? Or cruel? Have they got passion within their heart or are they despondent?

And how do we like their mind? Does their mind and heart have similar values to ourselves?

And then their looks on the outside become beautiful before our very eyes.

So what kind of bait is used to attract me?

The right essence within a person’s spirit, combined with the art of conversation.

For example, I met a lovely man on the phone the other day. I have not seen his picture yet, but his voice was spot on for what I’m looking for.

Besides his voice being right, he had the right attitude. He is a gentleman enough to know that sex is also in the mind. He too finds it offputting when someone is too upfront sexually. He understands that good conversation is involved, leading to friendship and then a sexual relationship proceeding should all the signals be correct.

This to me says he’s got some class and that he has control in some sort of sense. This self control is very appealing.

But little does he know, that I’m biting. Already he is luring me in because he is putting out the right bait.

If somebody likes my mind, then for me it creates sparks within. I too need to find their mind interesting, but at this stage, a gentleman draws me in. A gentleman who holds back sexually, can do far more than someone coming across like a big stud muffin and trying to prove themselves in bed, before they have even intrigued the mind. And holding back sexually also ignites desire because the foundation of trust has been laid out.

Animalistic sex is because you like a person on the inside and want to eat them up, combined with the correct essence of their spirit that is your sexual preference. The physical attraction can take second place if they have a beautiful mind, spirit and heart. They can in fact, become physically appealing even though at first you would not have looked twice at them. This is where our generation misses out completely by focusing on the outside and superficial things.

It’s interesting isn’t it.

It’s also been interesting to see how many people get sexual within their introductory talk. They only met you a second ago, and start to become very explicit.

For me, this is an incredible turn off! I shut the whole conversation down and ‘disappear’ off the screen. They try to ‘re-appear’ on my screen again, and I tell them ‘you blew it! Goodbye, it’s over!’ Remarkably they are not even apologetic, but persistent and saying ‘you’re yummy’. This then feels ‘predatory’ to me. It becomes a boundary issue and I then guard myself and put up the brick wall. I do not see it as a compliment but trouble to allow them in.

This is because I am confident. Thanks to my work, I have the confidence to see that I am appealing enough but I do not need to seek reassurance in my sexuality, so therefore when something is inappropriate, I can identify it and walk away. Sadly most women take such inappropriate persistence as a compliment and end up in trouble.

I can’t believe this lack of etiquette. People who are so insensitive and selfish. I find it totally inappropriate.

Ok, they can find a bed buddy for the evening, but in the morning, there’s a great chance that they become bored with that person quite quickly. If their minds are not a match, there’s a good chance that they will spit a person out because their mind is not what appeals to them. Then they will go in search all over again like a dog chasing it’s tail. Around and around they go.

It’s amazing to observe human behaviour on the dating websites.

People are chasing the great, passionate, animalistic sex that they long to experience. But go about it the wrong way, therefore they are like a dog chasing their tails.

The answer is so simple.

It all starts in the mind. We must like who somebody is on the inside before they appeal to us on the outside. However we also need to combine this with finding the essence within their spirit of who we are looking for. This is to do with sexual preference.

We can tantalise with our minds, and play a game such as tennis with our thoughts. We hit the ball back, and it goes to and fro. When it comes to meeting potential partners, we are looking to ‘play’ with someone. They either play back, or the ball falls down on the court and it’s all over.

I meet many men who talk so much about themselves. In the dating world, I see this as a lack of maturity and it’s very tiring. It loses a woman’s interest in no time.

But the men who get inside the mind of a woman, can be so irresistable to a woman. The guy is coming across as very together and mature. She assesses him as sensitive and ‘in touch’.

How does he get into her mind? He surrenders his power, he also has to sacrifice himself and his own desire for importance and wanting to be heard. Then he needs to have non-threatening body language.

Then he needs to ask questions in a ’safe’ sort of tone. Not question after question as this puts a woman off. But a question, then a pause demonstrating that he is ‘listening’ as well as giving time to ‘hear’ what she has to say. ‘Hearing’ with your heart, not just your head. If he jumps in with another question without ‘hearing’ what she has said, he will block the conversation. Women are sensitive to this and will assess he is not a suitable partner.

In hearing her, he is filling a psychological hunger within her.

So if he is pausing to digest what is said, then offers another question reflecting back what she has said (showing that he has heard her in his HEART), he will start to make himself appealing. She is looking to see whether she is heard or not. This is what I call ‘the bait’ and the ’snagging’ - similar to fishing. Fishing too takes great sensitivity. There are men who go fishing together. One can catch 7 fish, whilst his friend who is fishing in the same spot, may catch none. Why?

I was with a friend last night and I was trying to help him learn the (lost) ‘art of conversation’ in order for him to start seducing many women.

I suppose body language is very important and can also squash potential flow of good conversation. My friend put his arms up, crossed behind his head. It is a gesture expressing silent ways of saying ‘I’m as smart as you are’. I personally felt blocked to continue in that conversation. (Funny isn’t it).

Women will feel uncomfortable with this. Everything may be looking good on a potential date. The compatability seems good, common interests, etc. But something so small as this, will stifle the whole thing. The women will not proceed and therefore the man will be baffled asking himself ‘what did I say? what did I do?’

It’s not so much what a man says. Tone and body language speaks VOLUMES.

Men can do it in an office around a woman. It’s a form of regaining some type of power and dominance.

But I personally find it more powerful to surrender my power. As a true Libran, it creates more harmony and is more effective in my relations with people. I don’t care for the power and find it amusing that so much energy is put into gaining a sense of power. In alot of my work, I surrender my power. But in doing so, I have had more power than I ever thought possible. And that has made me successful in business. People like it.

I say, surrender the power. After all arn’t we all trying to achieve an outcome? Harmony, good interactions?

We need a manual for this kind of stuff.

Sometimes it’s the tiniest things that cause us to either proceed with a person, or simply walk away. And as women do not want to offend, there is just no explaining why the tiniest little things seem to affect the process.

Look - I too face rejection. One man could not handle my thinking when I said “I’m cool if you want to see another lady besides me”. He said “it’s pretty out there!” Then again, I don’t want someone too conservative, but rather - just right. He ended up ‘fading away’ on me. Ouch, I hate that. That hurts!

Spoke to another one on the phone. Everything looked good on paper, but his voice was just not grabbing enough. I lost interest and tried to appear bored but remain attentive. I did not feel sexually attracted to the voice.

Another, had a beautiful voice which was spot on for what I am wanting, even though I had not seen a picture and knew little about him. The voice was perfect.

Other men had talked so much about themselves, it lead to me feeling drained. I sighed and said “I better go now, thank you”.

Another one told me he has a massage table. My stomach churned. For god’s sake, why does a massage table rule someone out? Can’t explain why, it just does.

Something I used to notice with boyfriends, was the muscle in their thumb area. Something so small, I used to love!

The wrong voices, massage tables and the wrong shoes - how does a woman tell a man ’sorry, but this is what I don’t like, I am unable to proceed’.

Another man I had met called Adrian, already has 3 sexual partners. I said ‘you want another then? You greedy little guts!’ He said ‘mate I don’t hold back. Life’s to be enjoyed!’

Good for him in a sense. He knows what he wants in his life! He has set himself up and has worked out what will make him happy.

Many other men would only dream of his lifestyle. They too can have it but they will not permit themselves to live this way.

Adrian doesn’t really care about what anybody thinks of his sexual playground. He just enjoys himself and that’s that.

However, Adrian does know how to nurture. He has texted me every morning in a casual and non-invasive way. That is an artform. When some men get pushy, it’s a turn off. But my concern is a large number of partners and it might be a no-go. And besides if Adrian does not know the art of conversation in order to seduce me, then it’s not likely that I can proceed. It just won’t work.

When a man is having a sexual relationship with a woman, it is important that the woman feels some sort of nurturing. This is different to women who need romance (which is not me). Just to show that he cares is enough.

If a man is having a sexual relationship with a woman but does not nurture properly, then it’s almost like he can expect the full fury of a woman to come out and reveal itself. Women really hate it because it makes them feel like an object, the same as men do not want to feel like an object - but appreciated. As a woman, you feel like it’s easy to throw a glass of cold water on him and slam the front door and leave him there. The ratbag! How dare he presume sex when he hasn’t bothered with the other stuff!

It’s been very intriguing delving into the dating world.

There are so many people at various levels. You are dealing with people who explore relationships, their own sexuality, and the rest.

I had a conversation with one man who was actually a Policeman. He had observed people who were involved in bondage and discipline. He remarked how they seemed to have the money to go into that type of playground but he considered they were just ‘bored’ within themselves and did not even know themselves much. I commented ‘I think this is where searching spiritually within themselves, it would help them’. He agreed.

Another copper I met, told me that ‘you couldn’t get more sleezy than Police’. I could hardly believe him. I said ‘but they are the most trusted people’. Sadly, it didn’t work out with this copper. The minute he got off his motorbike, I took one look at his shoes. I said to myself ‘I’ll give it 15 minutes before I’m upfront with him’. With such an unenlightened conversation about negative stuff, I tried not to waste anymore time in being polite. I said ‘Look I’m sorry, but this isn’t going to work. I’d really rather you in thongs anyway’. I just noticed his feet and thought ‘no, no, no’.

Yesterday I was speaking to a man who told me that he had a woman stalk him. Even to the point where he had to report her to the Police and get their help.

Seems scary stuff doesn’t it. We shake our heads with despair and say ‘gee that’s no good, hope that doesn’t happen to me!’

This man took it as quite a compliment that someone had become so fixated on him and that it went this far. I thought about it later, and realised - this was NOT a compliment. Instead he had allowed a situation that got out of hand because of his poor judgement of getting involved with somebody who was not so stable to begin with. There ARE signs right at the start. There are red flags that reveal themselves at the start of getting involved with someone - I believe.

But I am certain that with STRONG boundaries, knowing where you want to end up (destiny) with the opposite sex, goals etc. you CAN protect yourself from attracting unwanted circumstances like this. Also you need to expect only the BEST for yourself, and have the FAITH that like attracts like.

I NEVER thought I’d meet somebody like Victoria who is so much like myself. I can’t believe how sensitive she is to things, like me. You would think we were like sisters more than I feel the similarities with my own sisters. But it’s out there when we go looking and invite this into our lives. But I knew that I only wanted to associate with New Age/Alternate women. Very few others are allowed into my life now! That’s my policy! (They have more principles than others I feel who are not sure of themselves and follow conditioning).

I mentioned this before, but my friend Gary had attracted someone who was awful. In her introductory phone call, she was very explicit! Gary at that stage, was ‘drifting’ in waters, aimlessly with the opposite sex. He was NOT well equipped in the waters with boundaries to protect himself, skills to navigate etc. So while he was ‘needy’ for sex, he went and met her because of his hunger.

She attached to him like a parasite. She demanded sex in the first night. He was trying to slip away from her grasp but allowed himself to be seduced because he was needy. He should have rejected her after the phone call! That’s it! No neediness, no hope.

Then he came over for a visit to see me, wanting to talk about a terrible experience. I mopped it up with a little sympathy but also gave him the bitter pill of truth. I said ‘you ready for some truth Gary?’ Humbly he says ‘cmon give it to me then’. I told him ‘you allowed it’.

So we sat down for 2 hours and I said ‘you need far greater expectations for yourself!’.

We made up a list for him and he stuck it on his fridge. Within weeks, he had success with a lovely lady companion.

We wouldn’t have all these problems if we had strong boundaries and expected only the best for ourselves.

Can you imagine if I had no boundaries in my work? I probably would have faced something terrible by now.

Gee it’s wonderful to be liberated!

I feel so fortunate to have discovered my work. My work has also affected so much of my personal life, so much that I do not have to live upto society’s expectations.

It no longer matters to me whether a lover is rich or poor. I simply do not care! What matters to me are his values though. How does he treat other people?

And I’m free to express this. Therefore it brings comfort to men’s ears as well as inspires other women to want to be liberated and shed all the pretentious attitudes that they have been conditioned to believe are right.

The more I keep rebelling with what I feel society expects of me, the more I see the lies that we have all fallen for.